hn35.

i think its about time for a new post. i haven't written for a number of reasons, none of which are truly worth exploring in depth. i've been busy, trying to get my vermiculture project off the ground, and we're finally making headway. by this time next month we should be swimming in fertilizer, which although may not sound appealing to you, to me is a dream come true.

i have also been getting to know capucas better with every day. i have spent a lot of time talking to locals, owners of small businesses, coffee producers, and it turns out that the community is much more than it seems on the surface. there is intrigue, lies, political sabotage, all sorts of interesting tele-novella stuff. it seems that what i thought i knew to be true about this quiet little coffee town, well was not anywhere close to the real thing. and the real thing, well its just so much deeper, more complex, with conflicts that go back years and years. the worst part is, that now i am even further in the dark because i dont even know who i can trust. one person will tell me one thing, and then someone will explain to me that that individual only looks out for their own interests, and i'm left thinking: will someone just please, tell me something that i dont need to dissect, and analyze for bullshit. cuz im tired of it. as i said, i want to swim in worm shit, not bull shit.

i have also been exploring a new project idea for a community high up in the mountains. its a small village of 35 families, with no running water or electricity, and they want both, and are supposedly willing to work for it. i havent been there yet, so its too early to get excited, but this may be my project for the next long while. it seems like doing something like this may actually have a significant impact on the lives of these people, and maybe ill actually feel like i did something real during peace corps. real in the sense that my work will not only provide a little change, but something big. i guess its a whole self glorifying aspect of peace corps, where you want to be remembered, but i don't think its a bad thing to have some selfish ideals when in the long run your work is doing something amazing for others. two birds with one stone you know.

on a number of other different notes: 1. MY CAMERA BROKE, so no pictures for a while. i am currently looking for a new one, so if you guys have suggestions, im open to anything. 2. for those of you interested in my horse, he's cool. ive been riding him long distance these past two weekends, and he's been keeping up. last weekend i rode to gracias, which is another department in honduras to see justin, a PAMer from the group before ours. this weekend i rode to corquin. i think now im going to slowly start adding kilometers to every trip, finally going to ocotepeque, and places that are 25-30 k away. i got him reshoed again this weekend, this time hopefully they'll stay on and wont break. it was amazing to watch the blacksmith work, but i already wrote about that, so...you can go back and relive that experience if you want.

i have been reading a lot, which currently may not be the best since the book completely destroys foreign aid and charity, and shows the dirty side of NGO's that work in international development. the road to hell, its called. check it out. however, it did make me see how Peace Corps actually rises above the problems that plague the system, and how there may still be a chance for us volunteers. read it, and then we can discuss. some parts of it are a little slow, but the overall message is haunting.

anyway, i think thats it. i have had a bunch of times when i though, man i should write this down, but now they have been overwritten in my memory, forgotten, and maybe one day sometime in the near future they'll come back to me and i can pass them on to you. until then, suffer in the monotony of my life. :)

hn34.

three new observations. well, actually, all of these are old observations, but as i was reminded of each of them today, i decided i would jot down some comments. first, racism. second, likes and dislikes according to the honduran campo. and finally, public urination.

lets start with the hardcore, move to the lighter, and finally finish with the funny. you always want to finish with the funny.

alright, so racism. so im sitting today, reading the bible for educational purposes when i start a discussion with a local regarding religion. now this is dangerous territory for me, especially since everyone here thinks im going to hell for believing in my own god, and not theirs. and since the supposed apocalypse is coming up, which i'm slowly starting to believe due to what i hear and see every day, they remind me of it more and more. when judgement day comes, they say, you will see the error of your ways. right, well, i'll see that i missed out on a bunch of valuable experiences while arguing this topic with you people. anyway, more importantly, finally, the argument comes to its climax. we start talking about how the world is already going to hell with all the wars, homosexuality (sorry dave and anyone else who may be reading this, just so you know their opinion, not mine), std's, adultery (which kinda is related to std's supposedly), and natural disasters. then we start talking about haiti, being that it just occurred and is probably the most horrible natural disaster in some time. this is when it got ugly. the guy goes, and I quote, "you know god does these things because people are disobidient and sinners. like those blacks in haiti, with all their vices and sex. thats all they like, adultery. filthy people. they more or less provoked it" I sat there stupified. this is an intelligent (supposedly) educated person, one of the leaders of my community. and i was like, "relax, and be careful with what you say. i'm not having any kind of racist discussion. i'm telling you, watch it". and he looked at me and goes, "i'm not racist. i'm just saying that those blacks are..." I walked out at that point. I don't really get where that shit comes from either. First of all, it's not like the guy is all that white himself, which I guess wouldnt be a good excuse but at least neo nazis always have that argument: master race. but no, the guy is honduran, which means he's a mix of spanish blood (part black due to the moors), honduran indian blood (which may also be part black due to the caribs and garifuna), and whatever else. in no way can this person argue any color type of thing just for that reason. its like the pot calling the black a kettle (like my play on words?). no way. and well, the other argument, the real argument, is that racism is one of the ugliest things out there. and how the fuck can anyone with half a brain, think like that. i guess i will never know.

alright, lighter tema (that's topic for all you non-spanish speakers). So i'm walking down the street today, and this guy who passes me says, "Hey demetrio, so you really like walking huh?" "yeah i guess, sure, adios". You may think thats not that weird, but when you take into account every other incident, you might change your mind. another example, i get a jalon from work because the walk uphill is a pain when its night, cold, and raining. when i get to my house, someone on the corner comments, "hey demetrio, not much for walking? dont really like to, you know, walk?". wait, one more. i get offered coffee this afternoon, i refuse because well, i didnt really want any at the time. "so, you don't like coffee right? none of the gringos i know like coffee. why is that?" apparently, whatever action one makes in the campo requires a comment which sums up your likes and dislikes based on this one experience. if someone sees you eating fish, you must love fish. if someone sees you refuse a jacket, you must love the cold. if you accept it, you can't handle the cold. if you use your computer, you can't live without it. if you don't answer the phone, you must hate the person. probably, if you chop yourself with a machete by mistake, you must be a masochist. its nuts. i've never been judged so quick, by so many people, so often. basically, the advice is, if you come to the campo, dont do anything, because people might get the wrong idea.

and finally, numero tres. honduran men urinate anywhere and everywhere. sure some of them are kind enough to shield the action from the public, but the majority will just pick a wall or fence and let go. in the middle of the street, at the farm, on the trail. hell, they'll pull over on the highway, and in front of everyone just do it. and its usually without warning too, so if you're walking with someone and they get the urge, they'll just take it out and start. you might be looking or not, but no importa (doesn't matter), what's catching a glimpse really gonna do for you. the worst part, is that there may be a bathroom within inches and they wont even think about it. fuck it, why dont i pee in front of ten people on someone's porch, while i could pee in the house in private. what fun would that be for everyone else. maybe they'll want to pee too, and then we can all pee together. group wizz. maybe i can start that as a project, public urinals with vision shields, so that at least people are protected and the urine can be collected or something and used as fertilizer. maybe i can even get peace corps to fund it....

hn33.

alright so, a few observations:

one, hondurans breast feed anywhere. not the men of course, although that may be the next step. women will do it anywhere they can sit, stand or lie down. on the bus, in restaurants, in public markets, and in your face. i went to eat lunch yesterday, and watched a woman devour fried chicken while her new born munched away on her, well you know. then as i walked to get a ride, i saw another woman weighing and selling beans with a baby at her breast. i understand the no shame thing, but wouldn't you want to concentrate on the baby nipple interchange. what if something goes wrong?

two, knowledge in honduras is frequently like blind faith. people learn things from others by word of mouth, and no questions are ever asked. and when they try to pass the knowledge on to me, they are taken aback by my question of, and why is that? this happens most frequently with my horse, but also with all sorts of technical knowledge. it's as if their whole idea of aquired knowledge is almost religious. if you say it, it must be true, because the person has some experience. but its as if no one is ever taught to question or think logically. why would you tie something there like that? well because, my grandfather did it, my dad did it, and now i do it. but why? i have no fucking clue. and what if there's something better, or more correct? well there isn't. shut up you're a dumb gringo. that's what i think they think anyway. the worst part, is that i think this problem stems from their whole society being this way. school, church, home life. its all the same.

three, one should stay away from jalon drivers who stop for a beer. because they don't just stop for one beer. they stop once for one, then go, then another, then go, and then 8 beers and 2 hours later, you're thinking, i gotta get out of this car. the worst part, is that this person might be from your community, even a friend, and you're screwed because you may insult him by refusing the ride. but for purely safety reasons, you can't even think of riding with him. the catch 22 is a tough one, and you start wishing that you had just picked a different jalon two towns back.

four...i'm gonna think of this one later.

hn32.

alright, so its about time to get another entry in. in fact, i feel like i have let you guys down by not writing recently, so i'll try to make this one worthwhile. first and foremost, happy new year to all of you, merry christmas, happy kwanzaa and channukah. i hope thats how you spell those last two. anyway, its been a difficult past few weeks, with a few adventures. first, i am finally getting out of the mental slump i was in, and falling back into a normal work schedule. before the christmas holidays i found myself spending less time working than i wanted, but that's all over. hopefully. i am now looking ahead at the world of possibilities in front of me, and it looks good. although everything is somewhat on hold for now due to crummy weather and the coffee season, there seems to be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel, a silver lining to the clouds, and whatever other metaphor you would want to employ. basically things are getting better. i am currently on the prowl for funding for small projects, so if anyone is familiar with any good NGO's for that type of thing, i am open to suggestions. Or if you just want to send me money, even better, but I doubt anyone would be that open to it. alright, so enough about that, lets talk about christmas and new years. the first holiday, which i expected to be huge here in honduras, was in fact much less than expected. i had a few drinks with some community members, which surprised me because usually people dont even come anywhere near alcohol for religious holidays, and then ate tamales until i fell asleep. there was no party, no celebration, and in fact, nothing out of the ordinary. the next few days I spent making an attempt at some sort of work while taking care of my friend's dog. i dropped the beast off at her house on the 28th, and the morning of the 29th left for vacation. and that is where all of the "fun" started. i arrived to tela that evening with my friends brock and leila, and we found ourselves a hotel room and some pizza. the next day more of our friends arrived, and by the evening we had a solid group of about 20-25 people. we went out to a bar, and were sitting around when three honduran girls walked in. one of them motioned to me to approach the table to i sat with them and began to chat. they were extremely friendly, and showed great interest in the boys of the group. about 15 minutes late, brock and leila leave to go home and get robbed on the way by two teenagers with a gun. at this point i get a little suspicious, pry my other friend away from the girls, and go approach the cops parked across the corner. they leave to talk to brock and leila as three shady looking teenage gang-member types park themselves across the street from the bar. i think, well shit, it seems that they're here to get some more of us once we leave. suddenly, out of nowhere, a different set of cops pulls up to the corner and arrests the kids. i think, this is an opportunity to figure out if they're the same ones, and i call brock's phone which was stolen previously. it rings in the pocket of one of the hoodlums and he turns it off non-chalantly. i think, alright here's my shot, and do the most idiotic thing possibly. as the gang members sit in the back of the cop truck, i approach the cops and talk to them about getting the phone back. well the cops leave telling me they'll be right back, meanwhile the three girls hop into a cab and disappear as well. i then approach the waitress at the bar and inquire about the girls. turns out that they do this all the time, talk to gringos, and then get them robbed. when i ask her, why she didnt bother warning us, she tells me that we seemed to be enjoying it way too much and she didnt want to ruin our fun. well thanks. then she tells me that if we file a report against the members of the gang, they will get out regardless and probably find me and shoot me. just me, mostly because they watched me talk to the cops. well thanks again. so at this point, we talk to the cops a few more times, i go back to the hotel, and the party continues. the morning after, we decided it was best to get out of dodge and we did just that. the next few days were filled with less eventful, but much more fun partying, which involved no shady female characters, no gang members, and no one threatening my life. overall, i would say the vacation was a success. however, the return trip was not nearly as fun. apparently, it is best to avoid the cafeteria of the bus station in san pedro sula, because on the way back, about half way home, i got hit with the biggest stomach ache and a case of extreme, well ill spare you the details. regardless to say, i had to spend the night in a hotel instead of continuing home because i couldnt leave the bathroom. awesome right. at the hotel i had another interesting little encounter with the honduran underworld. when i finally got around to looking for food that night, i spoke to the hotel clerk and he told me he could find me some cup noodles if i gave him the cash. so i did and went back to my room to wait, while watching a hugh grant flick, again awesome, right? about half an hour later, with no noodles in sight, i went looking for the guy. the other clerk points to a room down the hall and tells me to go knock. i check it out, and the original clerk who offered the food opens the door. inside i find a honduran prosititute loading a revolver with some bullets that are scattered on the bed. the guy then asks me if i would marry her and take her to america with me. i politely decline and return to my room, laughing and hoping that at one point i would get some noodles if the guys lives to bring them to me. about an hour later he found me, noodles in hand, so i guess it all worked out in the end. the next day i returned to site with a mixture of busses and jalons, and fell asleep, some of the best sleep i have ever had. that's about it in a nutshell. i feel like i missed some details, but i wouldnt want to bore you guys, so just use your imaginations. any questions?